So my day started off a bit bad with almost a melt down but my mom had to calm me down to a panic with a little shouting and then some pep talk.....again. Im sure she hates me as like everyone else. I was'nt doing so great and ended up fighting with my self in my head this morning until she sat down with me and calmed me down. She decided to take me into Norwich where we went to the Castle and toured the Museum. Had such great things to look at and read about. I now know who Nelson was and what the history is behind Bodeca (However you spell it.......)......yes I'm not so great with my spelling but I get my point across which is the important thing. I'm not the Literal type academically. I never was..............
I pity my self and hollow in doubt and uncertainty of my self , purpose and direction here. I have no sense of Familiarity and it scares the day lights out of me. I have gone into a depression and some days are better than others.
I was turned down 2 jobs today and still searching. Frightened to death of failing again and falling once again. Cant seem to shake the depression but I have to keep reminding my self its only natural. Change is a huge adjustment and if I cant remind my self, I need my family to do so. But then again, they hate that.
When its my problem, I cant really voice that because it becomes selfish and stressful to the family.
I dont want to scare the kids or push them away and I dont want my family to hate me or feel I am a burden in the house hold.
Need to keep my head above the water and keep swimming..........
Other than that....my day ended well with a bit of peace and quiet without the kids around. Their dad took them out for the day and I have cooked sheapards pie for dinner. Will go dish up now because everyone just got home.
Tomorrow is another day and I will be venturing out into near by streets to cold call my AVON........something I'm doing to try and make some extra money.
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