The Pros and cons of Schytzophrenia

This message may come across a bit depressing but I need to get this stuff off my chest and because I have very little people to talk to about my problems I am going to plow my depression into my writing.

So this morning, after waking up in a good mood at my brothers house after a kiddies Party yesterday, I was getting ready to get taken home and asked him if he would would pop past the chemist for me to get my tablets because I had none and I was starting to feeling a bit edgy. He just blew up at me and attacked me for been an inconvenience enough that he has to drive me home and now that he was most upset that he had to drive me to the chemist. i was so shocked by his mood swing that I asked why he was been such a dick and he just exploded at me.

I struggle every day about what I have to live with and I try not to harp on it but it affects me in ways that I cannot control. Andrew just does not understand my condition and he has told me before that he believes I am faking it to create attention. He will not have compassion to how difficult this is and in a way he hates me for who I am. It hurts. I am not sure if he was under stress this morning because he had work to do, but what reason does it give to take it out on me.

He makes me feel like a useless piece of shit that is a complete failure in life. I do not have my mom or sister around to help me when I need it and with a simple request to drive past the chemist is such a mission for him that he makes me feel suicidal.

I do not understand this condition my self and I try to figure out the pieces each day of my life. My mom and my sister are the only compassionate ones in my life that seem to put effort in to try and under stand what goes on in my head.

I cannot explain enough about how difficult it is to deal with this condition and I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

I just wish my brother would try and learn to have a little more understanding of me. It hurts terribly.