Jealousy consumes me today....I cant shake it.........I am not a jealous person. I dont get jealous easily but today I am just jealous. I am not comfortable with my body and looking at other people I know who have good bodies makes me jealous cause I dont have what they've got. If I had the body I had 5 years ago....I wouldnt have insecurity issues. Id be able to wear a costume comfortably and I could strut a walk with that body that would make men blush. Particulaly the man that Im suppose to love. Because I dont have a skinny body, it doesnt turn him on like a skinny girl would. I dont have that affect on him........
Summer is coming and I cant wear a costume cause I just look horrible. I will be going to a holiday resort for my 30th birthday and there is a pool there. Other girls (my freinds) have been invited and Ive got to figure out how I am going to avoid been shy or jealous cause theres also men who are going to be there. I was excited about my birthday yesterday but today I am just not looking forward to it.
I cant do Gym at work cause I only finish work at 5pm and cant get a lift home after gymming. Not sure how to excersize at home with out professional guidence and so that I dont injure my self and most importantly so that the excersize I am doing is making a difference. I do not over eat and my diet is relatively good. I eat a healthy lunch every day but It just doesnt help.
.........hopefully tomorrow I dont feel as depressed as I do right now....................
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