South African Farewell Party May 2014

These are some pics from the Excellent Party Hard Farewell Party I had before leaving South Africa. How spectacular this night was however I did get very very drunk. Thanks to my AWSOME besty, Vicky organised Chinese Lanterns which were lit up and sent into the night sky as remembrance of my life in SA. These guys are dearly missed every day!!!!!! xxxxxx

Arrival in the UK 1st June 2014

Okay Okay, So my dreams followed suite and I arrived safely and happily in Great Britain on the 1st June. The flight was good and no hassles besides taking a sleeping tablet and waking up high as a kite from the tablet been too strong for my body.  My luggage had an hours delay coming through but not too much of serious hassles after going through the Gates and to my rescue was Hayzel and Kev. Took a 2 hour drive to Long Stratton where home is and met my mom and the kids with tears of joy in my eyes. Things had been GO GO GO since landing and all in one week, I got my NI Number sorted out, signed on with the NHS and opened a bank account. I had been on a 2 week go slow holiday when first arriving but in my 3rd week things started happening with work prospects. I have last week Thursday gone for an interview with the Norfolk County Council and was offered the position on Friday!!!! How excited I was and shaking when I was given the news. The new job been a Business Service Assistant and my Boss looks really nice to work with, her name been Elaine. Sincere warm hearted women. She obviously liked me really well because it took her one day to make a decision and she chose me. I didnt even need to go for a 2nd interview.

Any how, I have been on many Excursions in around Norfolk, Gt Yarmoth, Hemsby beach, Diss and Norwich City Centre since been here. This place is really beautiful and I have seriously been over whelmed with Joy, Excitement and Luck on my side. I came at the perfect time of year because it is now summer and the wheather has welcomed me with open arms.

I am really blessed and it is so nice to have my mom and Sister back in my life.

xxxxxx

GREAT BRITAIN HERE I COME

Okay, So I want to get on a plane and leave SA now. Ive had enough. I am losing interest in  work and I just want to go now, but time is against me. If plans go accordingly, I will be landing in Heathrow in June or July sometime. For my sake, I hope plans stay like this.

Need to tender my resignation when I get the go ahead from my mom so time time time.........is all Im waiting for.

xxxxxx

The Fan of mine

Just out of interest, that fan of mine that I have, the one who keeps reading my blog...........you should post to me? I am flattered that you come here often............xxxxxx

Life goes on....Deal with it

So my mom and the family have returned to the UK (their home) and I am back to work after a week and half' s leave. Work is very busy and I did stock take this weekend.

Deleted my dating profile off the internet and have no more interest in pursueing any searches.

Communication barriers are not good with my journo friend and he has made it clear he has no interest in me. So have been a bit flat about that. What a dooshbag.

Dont hear much from the Accountant but the last time he said things were' nt going good for him. So will let him be for now and will be thinking of him.

We are moving in 2 weeks into the new house.

I am still a bit edgy from my emotional and mental issues but coping as best I can. Work is my happy place. If I could take a sleeping bag I would stay at work. Seems to be the best place for me right now.

Ronnie has finally left the country because his number does' nt work anymore and he did' nt even say good bye. He has left my stuff at his sisters house and I don' t know how to get hold of him to get my grandmothers things back. I have tried to email him and need to wait for a reply.

Anyhow.........................................................................................................

Back to the Grind Stone tomorrow. :)

Golas / Trials and Tribulations

I will try and write as much as I can now from what has been going through my head today but I am pretty sure I wont manage to get my full point across and as clear as possible but I am going to think really hard about this and reflect on what exactly happened tonight with family / freinds and life in general.

I really didnt have a good evening after having another fight with David and yet again been miss-understood from the clear perspective I try to put across to people. People just DO NOT get me and no one is prepared to listen. Listening is all I really want because at the end of the day I have my own answers, I just want added opinions. It is very difficult to get certain issues across without offending people and making it sound selfish. I am the MOST unselfish person Ive learnt to ever understand about my self yet my family most importantly seem to think that I am a drama queen and something I really realise is certain people seem to think I am selfish and an attention seeker.

My day started off pretty well and work ended well with alot of productivity accomplished for preperation of me going on leave for so long. However after the episode this evening, I am slightly getting the feeling  whether I should have rather just not taken leave and kept going to work.

OKAY > so the obvious reasons about why leave was taken was to be with my family who are here visiting from the UK. However after much thought tonight I am so off the idea of even bothering. Specifically not towards my mother or my sister but because of other problems that I need to figure out how I am going to get through and sort out.

After having a very ugly fight with my brother for bad attitude that was unneccersarily communicated to me by, Basically ruined my whole mind set and because of so much misunderstood opinions and anger that spawned with inside me, I basically had a complete mental silent melt down.

I went into serious panic mode and paranoid depression that I had no option but to force 7 anxiety tablets down my throwt. One thing I can say, is that by the grace of karma it has neutralised me but with having to reface my family tomorrow after them witnessing my voodoo mental behaviour has kinda been the reason I am not really in the mood to go back and socialize again.As sad as it sounds having to force my self back into their company, is really to only see my mother and sister before they leave again and goes home to the Uk for another 2 years before I would be lucky enough to see them again

I basically sat outside at Andrews house in the dark and the cold wind tonight fighting with voices in my head. Paranoid Schytzophrenia completely consumed me tonight and sometimes it is a debatable thought whether I am fighting with my own voices, or voices of the people/family around me or even worse, some kind of unliving spiritual being that is there with me in spirit (just dont know whos spirit exactly?). The best way I would try to explain it is that it is a full 2 way conversation going on in my head that has an emotional connection to my thought patterns and my mind and body in general. It sufficates my soul. I feel so exposed when episodes like this happens and it just cannot be stopped or controlled unless I seriously overdose on a schedule 5 drug to try and neutralise me or calm me down. It took some time and who ever reads this whether you are a complete stranger living on the other side of the world that I have no connection with what so ever, needs to really understand that having this problem is the worse curse anyone could have ever been burdened with.

Each day goes by that I don' t ask my self how on earth have I gotten this far and what in heavenly guidance has made me live this long. Trying to cope with this condition that can be so evil sometimes, that it almost creates voodoo. I fight back at the voodoo because I know deep down inside I am one of GODS children and I will not live my life in vain or decete or denial. I am true to my self, its just others do not understand me.

Perhaps others are so frightened by what is really perceived that no one will admit to me that they can understand the voodoo too or they at least realize that not only are they inside my head, a portal opens and my body and soul connects with their emotions and brain waves too that I am also inside their heads and I can feel every emotion or thought that goes through the minds of everyone around me. How on earth can anyone live with this. I must really be the strongest person on this planet if I am just generally ignoring how serious this is and just going to bed each night sleeping the anxiety off or away.

No one can make this go away. Some days its not there, but some days its so bad that anyone I know would have killed them selves a long time ago. I dont really think that Doctors could even help me. Medical Scientists wouldnt be able to make this go away (but it is something I must come to terms with because there are people with Cancer or AIDS that cant be cured either)

I have learnt to realize that I just need to keep fighting. With every last breath or strength in my soul......I just need to keep fighting.

Mom ? If you ever read this............Because you are the only one who knows about my blog........as my mother.............I would take your words of wisdom or opinion strongly. David says at the end of the day no one really cares.........I am left with this last thought of the day..........That we are all really in life ALL alone. For infinite eternity............we only have our selves and the Holy Ghost.......what ever that may be?

The next few days

So Mom and the family arrive for a visit from the UK next week Monday. So cannot wait. It is going to be a very busy 2 weeks and it is going to be so great to see them all. The last time I saw my mommy was in 2012. Its going to be so weird but so nice. I hope their stay here will be nice for them and I really hope they have a splended time.

There is a possibility I could have a date tomorrow night with a chap I have been speaking to for about 3 months. I have never mentioned him before because we dont speak that often but we have recently started opening up to each other. I havent been quite sure about him since the beginning but he really wants to be my freind so I am not going to be shallow and will give my self the chance to give him a chance to prove him self. As they always say, you can never judge a character over the internet so I need to give this a try and see if there is any chemistry. I will only drink coffee and keep a mature clear mind about the whole thing.

I will handle it well I am sure.

Work is quite busy at the moment but I am concentrating well and getting a lot done. I have a deadline for certain things but I am working productively. Only had 4 smoke breaks today and sometimes I wish I could keep it like that every day before I get into trouble. 

Any how, will take it easy tonight and try relax now for the evening.

Hope I do have a good week.

Strength to me Ally. you can do it !!!!!