Developments ....Developments

So the quit smoking thing never happened. But I went for a follow up appointment today and will set my self a date and try again. Was given another script for a 24hr cycle nicotene patch and the nicotene mouth spray. Will set the date and make use of the products. I also got a job at Norfolk County Hall which only lasted 2 weeks because I had a mental melt down and quit. I worked in the ICT Shared Services Dpt as the Business Support Assistant. I only had 3 responsibilities. CAR forms (Computer Access Requests), Accounts Remedys and minute taking. The ergonomics of the office were horrible, the people were unhelpful and training was poor. But in 3 weeks, I have had a nervous break down, been hospitalised once, not physically but went to the A and E emergency hospital for counselling with a specialist doctor who deals with mental disorders. I have been in contact the NHS Crisis Management team for suicidal thoughts and I have been to GP appointment after GP appointment for meds after meds after meds. I am waiting to appear onto the Community management mental health system so that I can receive proper counselling. All free of charge and no cost. Have already had 2 Schychiatrists physically come to the house and consult with me to get me onto the system. I am waiting for proper treatment. It has been a very difficult time and I think the stress of moving and new jobs and all has triggered these problems. It has caused immense trauma on my family as well as my self. The trauma I am putting myself through let alone my family is very frightening and I am very scared for my health. I will never end my life because the love of my family wont let me do it. I am fighting every day and today I learnt to keep a smile on the inside and to always have a plan of action wherever I go and what ever I do. I am trying to stay positive and keep my mind busy. 

Yesterday however was a miracle in disguise. Went to St Marys Cathedral in Norwich City Centre and how beautiful that day was. I coped so well but thats because I took 3 solian tablets and 4 diazopan tablets in one go. My meds are all wrong which is why I am not recovering as quick as I am supposed to. I have also slumped into a deep depression that I am trying to get my self out of. After seeing the GP last week, my mom has taken full control of my meds and now she administers them to me which has helped level me out to a certain point this week.

I have started AVON and have a few clients so far. Have also started a Home Services business dealing with House sitting during holidays or business trips / house cleaning / and home ironing. Handed my brochures out today around the area and will hope for some calls next week.

Been cold calling on the AVON which has helped build up my self confidence and focus again.

I do however have immense amount of pressure to earn a living because I cannot live not earning a salary . My family will not allow that or be to eagerly impressed.

I am hugely disadvantiged at the moment and just wish to regain my mental strength. With Faith and GODS mercy I will get to where I need to be.

Prayers............